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50s Burma-Shave


 

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BURMA SHAVE
1950s


1950
His cheek
Was rough
His chick vamoosed
And now she won’t
Come home to roost
Burma-Shave

 


Twinkle, twinkle
One-eyed car
We all wonder
WHERE
You are
Burma-Shave
 


On curves ahead
Remember, sonny
That rabbit’s foot
Didn’t save
The bunny
Burma-Shave

 

When
Super-shaved
Remember, pard
You’ll still get slapped
But not so hard
Burma-Shave

 

His brush is gone
So what’ll we do
Said Mike Robe I
To Mike Robe II
Burma-Shave

 

The place to pass
On curves
You know
Is only at
A beauty show
Burma-Shave

 

A whiskery kiss
For the one
You adore
May not make her mad
But her face will be sore
Burma-Shave

 

Burma-Shave
Was such a boom
They passed
The bride
And kissed the groom

 

These signs
We gladly
Dedicate
To men who’ve had
No date of late
Burma-Shave

 

If your peach
Keeps out
Of reach
Better practice
What we preach
Burma-Shave

 

A guy
Who drives
A car wide open
Is not thinkin’
He’s just hopin’
Burma-Shave

 

To kiss
A mug
That’s like a cactus
Takes more nerve
Than it does practice
Burma-Shave

 

The whale
Put Jonah
Down the hatch
But coughed him up
Because he scratched
Burma-Shave

 

Violets are blue
Roses are pink
On graves
Of those
Who drive and drink
Burma-Shave

 

Candidate says
Campaign
Confusing
Babies kiss me
Since I’ve been using
Burma-Shave

 

My job is
Keeping faces clean
And nobody knows
De stubble
I’ve seen
Burma-Shave

 

Doesn’t
Kiss you
Like she useter?
Perhaps she’s seen
A smoother rooster!!
Burma-Shave

 

No use
Knowing
How to pick ’em
If your half-shaved
Whiskers stick ’em
Burma-Shave

 

He tried
To cross
As fast train neared
Death didn’t draft him
He volunteered
Burma-Shave

 
 

Her chariot
Raced 80 per
They hauled away
What had Ben Her
Burma-Shave

 


She will
Flood your face
With kisses
’Cause you smell
So darn delicious
Burma-Shave

 

Use Burma-Shave
In tube
Or jar
Then follow up
With our new star
Burma-Shave Lotion

 

It has a tingle
And a tang
That starts
The day off
With a bang
Burma-Shave

 

Bracing as
An ocean breeze
For after shaving
It’s sure
To please
Burma-Shave

 

For early
Morning
Pep and bounce
A brand new product
We announce
Burma-Shave

 

The ladies
Take one whiff
And purr—
It’s no wonder
Men prefer
Burma-Shave

 

His face
Was smooth
And cool as ice
And oh! Louise!
He smelled so nice
Burma-Shave

 

1951
I’d heard
It praised
By drug store clerks
I tried the stuff
Hot dog! It works
Burma-Shave

 

Train wrecks few
Reason clear
Fireman
Never hugs
Engineer
Burma-Shave

Altho insured
Remember, kiddo
They don’t pay you
They pay
Your widow
Burma-Shave

My cheek
Says she
Feels smooth as satin
Ha! Ha! Says he
That’s mine you’re pattin’
Burma-Shave

 

Soap
May do
For lads with fuzz
Bur sir, you ain’t
The kid you wuz
Burma-Shave

 

She eyed
His beard
And said no dice
The wedding’s off—
I’ll COOK the rice
Burma-Shave

 

Train approaching
Whistle squealing
Pause!
Avoid that
Rundown feeling!
Burma-Shave

 

Unless
Your face
Is stinger free
You’d better let
Your honey be
Burma-Shave

 

Another
Red skin
Bit the dust
When Pa tried
What these signs discussed
Burma-Shave

 

The band
For which
The grand stand roots
Is not made up
Substi-toots!
Burma-Shave

 

Cautious rider
To her
Reckless dear
Let’s have less bull
And lots more steer
Burma-Shave

 

Spring
Has sprung
The grass has riz
Where last year’s
Careless drivers is
Burma-Shave

 

Big blue tube
It’s a honey
Best squeeze play
For love
Or money
Burma-Shave

 

Proper
Distance
To him was bunk
They pulled him out
Of some guy’s trunk
Burma-Shave

 

Substitutes
Can do
More harm
Than city fellers
On a farm
Burma-Shave

 

Pat’s bristles
Scratched
Bridget’s nose
That’s when
Her wild irish rose
Burma-Shave

 

The hobo
Lets his
Whiskers sprout
It’s trains—not girls
That he takes out
Burma-Shave

 

A beard
That’s rough
And overgrown
is better than
A chaperone
Burma-Shave

 
 

 

 

1951
Drinking drivers
Don’t you know
Great bangs
From little
Binges grow?
Burma-Shave
I know
He’s a wolf
Said riding hood
But Grandma dear,
He smells so good
Burma-Shave
 

1952
The wife
Who keeps on
Being kissed
Always heads
Her shopping list
Burma-Shave

 


Is he
Lonesome
Or just blind—
This guy who drives
So close behind?
Burma-Shave

 

Missin’
Kissin’?
Perhaps your thrush
Can’t get thru
The underbrush—try
Burma-Shave

 

Clancy’s
Whiskers
Tickle Nancy
Nancy lowered the boom
On Clancy!
Burma-Shave

 

Pedro
Walked
Back home by golly
His bristly chin
Was hot-to-Molly
Burma-Shave

 

Leaves
Face soft
As woman’s touch
Yet doesn’t cost you
Near as much
Burma-Shave

 

We can’t
Provide you
With a date
But we do supply
The best darn bait
Burma-Shave

 

A chin
Where barbed wire
Bristles stand
Is bound to be
A no ma’ams land
Burma-Shave

 

The wolf
Is shaved
So neat and trim
Red Riding Hood
Is chasing him
Burma-Shave

Relief
For faces
Chapped and sore
Keeps ’em comin’
Back for more
Burma-Shave

 

His
Tomato
Was the mushy type
Until his beard
Grew over-ripe
Burma-Shave

 

Heaven’s
Latest
Neophyte
Signalled left
Then turned right
Burma-Shave

 

Better try
Less speed per mile
That car
May have to
Last a while
Burma-Shave

 

To steal
A kiss
He had the knack
But lacked the cheek
To get one back
Burma-Shave

 

We’ve made
Grandpa
Look so trim
The local
Draft board’s after him
Burma-Shave

 

"No, no,"
She said
To her bristly beau
"I’d rather
Eat the mistletoe"
Burma-Shave

 

His rose
Is wed
His violet blew
But his sugar is sweet
Since he took this cue
Burma-Shave

 

Why is it
When you
Try to pass
The guy in front
Goes twice as fast?
Burma-Shave

 

She put
A bullet
Thru his hat
But he’s had
Closer shaves than that
Burma-Shave

 

5-star
Generals
Privates 1st class
Show equal rank
In the looking-glass
Burma-Shave

 

1953
When you lay
Those few cents down
You’ve bought
The smoothest
Shave in town
Burma-Shave

 
Substitutes
Are like a girdle
They find some jobs
They just
Can’t hurdle
Burma-Shave

We’re widely read
And often quoted
But it’s shaves
Not signs
For which we’re noted
Burma-Shave

 

Men who
Have to
Travel light
Find the 35 cent tube
Just right
Burma-Shave

 

It gave
McDonald
That needed charm
Hello Hollywood
Good-by farm
Burma-Shave

 

A shave
That’s real
No cuts to heal
A soothing
Velvet after-feel
Burma-Shave

 

Around
The curve
Lickety-split
It’s a beautiful car
Wasn’t it?
Burma-Shave

 

Our fortune
Is your
Shaven face
It’s our best
Advertising space
Burma-Shave

 

If Crusoe’d
Kept his chin
More tidy
He might have found
A lady Friday
Burma-Shave

 

If anything
Will please
Your Jill
A little jack
For this jar will
Burma-Shave

 

Feel your face
As you ride by
Now don’t
You think
It’s time to try
Burma-Shave

 

That barefoot
Chap
With cheeks of tan
Won’t let ’em chap
When he’s a man
Burma-Shave

 

If harmony
Is what
You crave
Then get
A tuba
Burma-Shave

 

The bearded devil
Is forced
To dwell
In the only place
Where they don’t sell
Burma-Shave

 

He asked
His kitten
To pet and purr
She eyed his puss
And screamed "What fur!"
Burma-Shave

 

Toughest
Whiskers
In the town
We hold ’em up
You mow ’em down
Burma-Shave

 

These signs
Are not
For laughs alone
The face they save
May be your own
Burma-Shave

 

This cream
Makes the
Gardener’s daughter
Plant her tu-lips
Where she oughter
Burma-Shave

 

The hero
Was brave and strong
And willin’
She felt his chin—
Then wed the villain
Burma-Shave

 

No matter
The price
No matter how new
The best safety device
In your car is you
Burma-Shave

 

Gut rasiert? ("If you want a good shave?" — German)
___________ (Chinese)
La mejor afeitada ("The best shave" — Spanish)
The best shave
In any language
Burma-Shave

 
 

The safest rule
No ifs or buts
Just drive
Like every one else
Is nuts!
Burma-Shave

 

 


 


1955
Dinah doesn’t
Treat him right
But if he’d
Shave
Dyna-mite!
Burma-Shave
 


To change that
Shaving job
To joy
You gotta use
The real McCoy
Burma-Shave
 


Tho stiff
The beard
That Nature gave
It shaves
Like down with
Burma-Shave
 

His crop of
Whiskers
Needed reaping
That’s what kept
His Lena leaping
Burma-Shave
 

The blackened forest
Smoulders yet
Because
He flipped
A cigaret
Burma-Shave
 
 
Jar so big
Cost so small
Coolest
Smoothest
Shave of all
Burma-Shave
 

Slow down, Pa
Sakes alive
Ma missed signs
Four
And five
Burma-Shave
 
 
Grandpa knows
It ain’t too late
He’s gone
To git
Some widder bait
Burma-Shave
 
 
Free—free
A trip
To Mars
For 900
Empty jars
Burma-Shave
 

A Christmas hug
A birthday kiss
Awaits
The woman
Who gives this
Burma-Shave
 
 
The big blue tube’s
Just like Louise
You get
A thrill
From every squeeze
Burma-Shave
 

The monkey took
One look at Jim
And threw the peanuts
Back at him
He needed
Burma-Shave
 

Substitutes
Can let you down
Quicker
Than a
Strapless gown
Burma-Shave
 

For shaving comfort
Without
A sting
That big blue tube
Has everything
Burma-Shave
 

6 million housewives
Can’t be wrong
Who keep
Their husbands
Right along in
Burma-Shave
 

Try a tube
Its cooling
Power
Refreshes like
An April shower
Burma-Shave
 

One shave lasts
All day through
Face feels
Cool and
Smoother too
Burma-Shave
 

Within this vale
Of toil
And sin
Your head grows bald
But not your chin
Burma-Shave
 

Take
Your
Time
Not
Your life
Burma-Shave
 
 
Cattle crossing
Means go slow
That old bull
Is some
Cow’s beau
Burma-Shave
 

Does your husband
Misbehave
Grunt and grumble
Rant and rave?
Shoot the brute some
Burma-Shave
 

1959
The draftee
Tried a tube
And purred
Well whaddya know
I’ve been defurred
Burma-Shave
 


This cooling shave
Will never fail
To stamp
Its user
First class male
Burma-Shave
 
 

Drinking drivers—
Nothing worse
They put
The quart
Before the hearse
Burma-Shave
 

Men
With whiskers
’Neath their noses
Oughta have to kiss
Like eskimoses
Burma-Shave
 

Said farmer Brown
Who’s bald
On top
Wish I could
Rotate the crop
Burma-Shave
 
 
Don’t
Try passing
On a slope
Unless you have
A periscope
Burma-Shave
 

Passing cars
When you can’t see
May get you
A glimpse
Of eternity
Burma-Shave
 

Don’t leave safety
To mere chance
That’s why
Belts are
Sold with pants
Burma-Shave
 

At a quiz
Pa ain’t
No whiz
But he knows how
To keep Ma his
Burma-Shave
 

Many a forest
Used to stand
Where a
Lighted match
Got out of hand
Burma-Shave
 

Baby your skin
Keep it fitter
Or "baby"
Will get
Another sitter
Burma-Shave
 

Use this cream
A day
Or two
Then don’t call her—
She’ll call you
Burma-Shave
 

The poorest guy
In the
Human race
Can have a
Million dollar face
Burma-Shave
 

If daisies
Are your
Favorite flower
Keep pushin’ up those
Miles-per-hour
Burma-Shave
 

He lit a match
To check gas tank
That’s why
They call him
Skinless frank
Burma-Shave
 
 

The one who
Drives when
He’s been drinking
Depends on you
To do his thinking

Burma-Shave